Here we are again!

Every time Christmas's arrives I find myself questioning the season's celebrations. Not so much for what it is but what has become. I recall frantic dashes to the shops to buy last minute presents, stressing out with family over Christmas dinner, and in the end being overwhelmed by the bad feelings the stress leaves. This year though, I'm in Sydney with my husband and it's just us. Being here in a warm country, the daily rituals we would otherwise perform in wintery Europe do not seem to make much sense. Yet, there they are, the Christmas trees, the Christmas lights, Santa Claus dressed in his winter outfit where otherwise is very warm.

And the presents. In the mist of all the consumerism that goes on in this season, I suppose I wonder if we loose touch with the message. The togetherness, being, reflecting, being thankful. Maybe we do, maybe we don't. I actually think it's a bit of both. 

It just made me reflect about rituals and how blindly we follow them. Made me question the value of some of the 'winter theme' somewhere where it is otherwise warm. Not warm, hot. I have hope though. I saw some families who spent their Christmas and Boxing Day by the beach, sort of picnic like.

When I was little I looked forward to Christmas, to the presents I would get mainly. I loved all the food, and watching my aunties in the kitchen. Staying up till late and eating loads. It was great. As an adult, I think I see more of the things that don't work these days. Or maybe I'm coming full circle and understanding the two sides of life. Of this life, right here and right now.

The mind has a tendency to dwell on the negative. I'm thankful for my life, and at times like this, at least right here and right now, I seem to think of those who don't have what I have and wonder on the meaning of Christmas for them. Or even those cultures for whom Christmas does not have a meaning.

This year I've been away from all the little 'traditional rituals' that I would otherwise perform at this time of the year. So Christmas has a different meaning for me this year. Yet I've fully enjoyed, just being with my husband. Having a nice meal, walking by the beach and watching movies until late. In between I thought about others, those who don't celebrate, those who do, those who are no longer here to celebrate. I found myself asking, what is Christmas for me? What does it mean? How would I like to celebrate/spend this time? Does the meaning the Church bestows upon it mean the same to me? Do I have to celebrate because most of the world does? Because my family and friends do?

I know the answers that I'm seeking and trying aimlessly not to take action or to feel justified in not doing so. I can do whatever I want. Fact is I'm afraid to take actions that go against the general agreement. It's easier to just follow the crowd. And that's where I am right now, in this space where I just do or don't and all the rest is just lazy babble.

And in this babble I recognise that Christmas does not have the same meaning for me anymore and I want to create a 'Christmas' that makes sense for me to celebrate. One that takes in what I know and how I feel...